A cautionary tale for every middle-aged man: part 5

On my evening drives to Dallas, I was influenced by radio talkshow host Tom Leykis out of LA. His "Leykis 101" is a series of tenets aimed at giving advice male listeners how to get the most sex with minimal time, effort, and money. The men who follow this advice are referred to as "Leykis 101 Students," and Tom Leykis is referred to as "The Professor." Women are encouraged to listen to learn how men behave and think. The tenets include:

— $40 LIMIT - Never spend more than $40 on a date.
— 3 DATES RULE - Stop seeing the girl if you do not get laid after the third date.
— NO MEANS NO - If she says no then, STOP, get your stuff, and leave.
— SINGLE MOTHERS - Never date single mothers.
— TABASCO SAUCE - After having sex pour Tabasco sauce into the used condom.
— CO-WORKER RELATIONSHIPS - Never date a co-worker.
— APPROACHING WOMEN IN GROUPS - Never approach a woman in a club that's surrounded by her girlfriends.
— RELATIONSHIPS - Do not get into a serious relationship before the age of 25.
— WEEKEND DATES - Do not go out on weekend dates unless you are guaranteed sex.
— CELL PHONE DATES - If your date's cell phone rings during the date, then immediately leave.
— WOMEN IN BARS - Sit at a bar alone and do not talk to any women.
— BIRTH CONTROL - Regardless of what a woman says always use birth control.
— NO GIFTS - No gifts are ever given to booty calls and women you are dating.
— BEVERAGE CONSUMPTION - Buy Hard Alcohol over Beer.
— TYPES OF DATES - Avoid lunch and or coffee dates.
— JERKS AND ASSHOLES - If women think you are a jerk, then your doing something right.
— EATING BEFORE DATES - Have a hearty meal before a date.
— MARRIAGE CONTRACT - Never marry without a prenuptial agreement.
— YOU CHOOSE THE DATE - You choose what to do on the date.
— INCOME AND WOMEN - The amount of income you have often determines the type of women you get.
— MALE FRIENDS - All her male friends want to have sex with her.
— NO SEX AT YOUR HOUSE - Never bring a woman home for sex.
— HOLIDAYS - Break up with your woman during those money-sucking holiday seasons.
— CHANGE IS NOT INEVITABLE - Do not change who you are just for a woman.
— PREPARE YOUR IDENTITY - Be the doctor she wants or the millionaire she's looking for.
— POWER BEFORE KIDS AND MARRIAGE - Men have the most power before kids and a family.
— PATERNITY TEST - Always get a paternity test no matter how sure you are that it is your child.
— NO DNA DONATION - Never help a woman have kids that you have no intention of marrying.
— WOMEN ARE DREAM KILLERS - They want to reach their dreams and stop yours.
— ULTIMATUM, RUN - If a women gives you an ultimatum, run and don't look back.
— GIVING AND GETTING PHONE NUMBERS - Give your number out to as many women as possible.
— DON'T MOVE IN WITH GIRLFRIEND - Never ever move in with your girlfriend.
— DON'T CALL HER BACK - Don't call her back after the date.

As you can see, these are tenets created by a guy (Leykis) who's been married multiple times (4) and divorced four times. This man's been hurt, so his stance toward women is to encourage every man to take responsibility for their own self-defense, and his show spends a lot of time covering men's rights issues with humor. Ironically, most of his callers are women. I also listened to Opie and Anthony, another nationally syndicated talk show hosting team, but their schtick was more crude, jackass humor and stunts, often centered around public sexual situations and humiliation.

There were other radio personalities all beating the same drums, and I convinced myself that I should indulge, be a bad boy for a while and take on a trophy wife. Then amidst all this came my unsatisfying wife and her younger, married female boss. And this was the beginning of the end.